Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
