I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
