I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
