i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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