I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
