Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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