I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
