And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
