Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
