I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
