I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
