So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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