You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
