How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
