my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
