I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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