I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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