my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
