His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize