Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
