Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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