Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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