I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
