I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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