i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
