i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
