in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
