I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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