Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
