I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
