I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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