VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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