I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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