Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
