Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize