Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mom said you looked used
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
