is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
