Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Non-Jews are for practice
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize