And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
