Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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