toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
