I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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