im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
