there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
