I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
