I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
