to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
