I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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