i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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