happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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