is your mom at the bar?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
soo... how was my night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
