Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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