You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize