I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
