i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I AM VODKA MAN
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
