alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
