I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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