There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
