Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
