I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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