Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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