My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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