Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
