You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
this hospital has no fireball
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
