mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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