if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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