I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
