We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
