I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
