how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
