Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
