First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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