I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
