i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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