my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
