next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize