Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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