I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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