the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
