please come you make the beer taste better
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
