Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
