I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
