How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
