All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
