i just wanna soil my oats bro
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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