And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
