I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize