So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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