Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
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