He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
