Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
