I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
