Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
