Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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