i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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