I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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