I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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