I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
