somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
