I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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