dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
