Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sext me about skeletons
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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